Monday, January 9, 2017

#UnpopularOpinions : Teen Dating

Teen dating is something I've questioned. Its probably something a lot of you have questioned. Its a confusing topic. Some people are very set in their opinions, others have no idea what to think, like me, until recently. I've been thinking about my personal opinion on the topic of teen dating. Lately, I've just realized how important dating is. Our lives really depend on it, our future, our kids, our reputation, how our lives turn out in the end all depend on this topic. If we mess it up, its like walking in the snow, we will always be able to see the footsteps we left behind, the choices we made can never be undone. And I don't think many teens realize how important dating is. I know many people who have went into, or who are in relationships as teens, and these are my observations, and opinions that have been formed from watching these people.

1. Self reflection 
Before dating I believe you should ask yourself some questions. I will personally ask myself these questions if I ever come to a point where I enter a relationship. Am I prepared to think about marriage? Am I just doing this for my emotional needs? Am I ready to choose my life partner, even if I'm only a teenager? In my case I would say I am not ready for dating, or even marriage for that matter at this time in my life. Like I'm only 16!  I would like to be happy with myself before even considering a relationship. I would like to go to college, get my degree, make a life for myself and be able to support myself before considering marriage. But thats just me. Everyones situation is different.

2. Whats in a name? Courtship vs. Dating
Families like the Duggar's and Bates refer to "getting to know someone of the opposite sex" courting. Thats great! But honestly I don't care if you call it courting or dating because its not about what its called. Its about the way you go about it, and the way in which you court or date. Just because you stand in a garage doesn't make you a car. I personally have decided to call it dating, but that doesn't mean my opinions or standards are bad, just because I call it "dating" and not "courting".

3. Emotions
As teens, especially teen girls, we get really caught up in emotions. (speaking from experience) We want to date a guy just because it would satisfy our emotional needs, not thinking about the guys character, heart, temperament or moral strength. Getting to know someone with the intention of marriage in mind requires more involvement than just your emotions. As my dear mother says,"you have to get past the flutter you get in your stomach when he walks by, and look deeper." XD

4. The ultimate destination
Many times, I think people enter into a relationship blinded to the fact that dating is suppose to be getting to know someone for the purpose of marriage. I think people just date for fun and don't think about what may happen down the road. I'm not saying you can't have fun when you date, that it all has to be serious, but defiantly set standards and boundaries. I know people who have had kids outside of marriage and have just gone to one person to the next looking for "true love", but they are still searching. When you get too involved you can't go back. Really examine the heart, character and spirit of your potential marriage partner, and ask yourself if this person is who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Cause if you do this before getting too deep, if the person isn't the right one, you don't have a whole bunch of baggage. Keep in mind the ultimate destination, which is marriage, or mawage, whichever you prefer. XD

5. Outside involvement
Involvement from your parents may seem....well...not fun, but its totally worth it to have that accountability. Your parents can see stuff you probably can't see in a guy/girl. Listen to them, trust them, even though you may not want to sometimes.

6. Everyone is different
Everyone's situations are different in their own unique way. What may be dating the right way for me, may be something different than your situation. But, I know as for me, a sixteen year old girl, I know I am not ready for marriage anytime soon, but maybe you are. I know a girl who is a few months younger than me who is dating, and her situation is right for her. Her parents are involved, this girl and guy are known as  strong Christians of great character by their church family and their friends. Some get married and 17, some at 27, some at 37, but everyone is going to have a different story, each unique. We cannot have a set of rules on dating that have to apply to everyone because there are different people, different circumstances and different maturity levels.

7. Don't follow your heart!
Everyone is always saying "follow your heart!" Tv, music, people, t-shirts for goodness sake. Virtually everything and everyone is saying follow your heart and it will lead to you whatever your looking for. But...wait. The bible says our heart is deceitful above all things, and not to trust it, because it will lead you down the wrong path. Instead follow your gut, (gosh, so many innards. heart, guts. gross) that feeling you get down deep in your stomach when you know something is not right. Trust your parents, trust good friends, trust your conscience. Your conscience is kind of like the homing pigeons sense of what direction home is in, or the echo locate in dolphins and whales. Its a compass. It always tells you the truth.

So, yet another post of deep, deep thoughts and pondering, written by yours truly. The writing this post was inspired by a few conversations I've had at work with a a couple of my co-workers and listening to their life stories.

What are your thoughts on teen dating?



  1. I totally agree with everything you're saying! I have been known to be a "follow your heart" person and it has led to me being hurt more than once, unfortunately. I recently started dating my best friend and this was really good for me to read through and ask myself these questions. As always, I feel like a better person for reading your blog! Love you!

    1. Awww, your so sweet Ash! Love you too! <3

  2. I think all of this is so true! I love that you can put yourself out there, and write stuff like this. You definitely put it better than I ever could! :P Love, and miss you girl!

    1. Taryn! Thanks for your kind words. <3

  3. I loved reading this post! Kuddos to you for writing it =)
    I feel like this is such an important topic for people, and I'm so glad you wrote about it. I think that, I mean for me personally, as cliche as it sounds, I'd rather wait on God for it than rush into something blindly and be hurt and just all of that. God is faithful, and I know that He could do something far better than what I could ever think of, so for me that's all in His hands...and until then, I have a life to live.

    And also I love what you said about how you shouldn't always trust your heart. That's so true. I saw this quote that said something like, "Satan doesn't say 'Believe in me', he says 'Believe in yourself.'"

    1. Thanks, Autumn!<3
      So true, girl! What you said is so true.

  4. Yes! Thank you for writing this Clara. It is so true and there are so many people who do not take these questions into consideration. I am not currently dating, but I have thought about it, using these same questions. I'm not even sure if i'll know when I'm ready, but I pray that God will guide me, and my parents can help me be wise.

  5. WOW WOW WOW. I could not have worded this anymore perfectly than you did. I can completely agree with all of your points. My cousin was 17 when he started dating, which was good for his situation and the place he was in, but for me, I'm not ready. It just goes to what you said about how everyone is different. I think sometimes perhaps some people have a box around their belief that maybe dating should only occur after college or what not. But I think sometimes maybe they need to realize that God does have a different plan for some people to get married earlier than that. But seriously, you're so right about girl's emotions (I'm living proof as well) and outside involvement...along with the name of either dating or courting not meaning anything in purely "name".
    Thanks for this post!

  6. WOW this is so good! Love it! ♥ Thank you for posting on such a controversial topic.
    By the way - that GIF is perfect haha.