Thursday, August 24, 2017

COLLEGE + Anne of Avonlea + Kayaking + Sunrise Hike + Pretty Pictures (#GoodbyeSummer)

Anne had a long meditation at her window that night. Joy and regret struggled together in her heart. She had come at last. . .suddenly and unexpectedly. . .to the bend in the road; and college was around it, with a hundred rainbow hopes and visions; but Anne realized as well that when she rounded that curve she must leave many sweet things behind. . . all the little simple duties and interests which had grown so dear to her in the last two years and which she had glorified into beauty and delight by the enthusiasm she had put into them. She must give up her school. . . and she loved every one of her pupils, even the stupid and naughty ones. The mere thought of Paul Irving made her wonder if Redmond were such a name to conjure with after all.
"I've put out a lot of little roots these two years," Anne told the moon, "and when I'm pulled up they're going to hurt a great deal. But it's best to go, I think, and, as Marilla says, there's no good reason why I shouldn't. I must get out all my ambitions and dust them."
-Anne of Avonlea Chapter 26-

Gosh, college has arrived rather quickly. It seemed, at the beginning of summer, that it would take a lifetime, but its here and there's no avoiding it. I'm scared. Terrified actually. But I'm not alone. Its comforting to me to read books like Anne of Avonlea, and watch movies like The Waltons, because I get to see Anne and Johnboy going through the exact same things I am going through, and its nice to have a friend through it all. (Even though they might be fictional.) 

Anyways, I've had a lovely summer. I went to the fair with friends, took a family road trip to a ghost town with my family, went rafting and kayaking on a river, scaled a mountain at sunrise, went target practicing with my dad, read books, watched all my favorite childhood movies and tv series, drank tea, packed and re-packed for college, slept in, got my hair cut super short, worked on my novel and  had lots of coffee with friends at Barnes and Nobles. Its hard to leave my friends and family, my home town and all the childhood memories I have. I wish I could just hold onto them forever and ever. But the reality is, I can't. It's all going to be hard for sure, and I know I'm going to cry a lot, but I'm excited at the same time. 

My favorite thing this summer would probably have to be the sunrise hike I went on with my mom, grandma, aunt and cousins. We got up at 4:30 in the morning and drove up to the trail head and hiked until sunrise. By that time we were at the very top of a majestic mountain overlooking lakes, surrounding towns and dark, mighty mountains with the sun shining out behind them. It is something I will remember forever, as long as I live.

I suppose I should talk about how my blog is going to change. I will probably not be posting quite as often as I have in the past, just because, ya know, #collegelife heheh, but I plan to post every once in a while, because I love blogging and writing, and I don't want to give it up completely. Also, some pretty big thoughts and plans have been circulating around in my brain for a few weeks now, about how I would like to change the direction, and over all topic of my blog, but I will keep you in suspense, until I actually plan to take action and do it, but now is just not the right time with getting use to college life, away from home. But you might want to stay tuned, just the same. 

This kind of turned out to be a random/lots of little bits of info/quickly thrown together post, but whatever. Enjoy the rest of your summer, peeps! <3


Wednesday, August 2, 2017

I always wondered why somebody didn't do something about that. Then I realized, I am somebody...

I always wondered why somebody didn't do something about that. But then I realized I am somebody... 

The world is full of things we wish we could change. Sometimes we think the world's issues are too big for us. We think, “I could never fix that.” But the truth is you can. We are all guilty of blaming others for the problems of the world. I am constantly hearing adults complain on radio and television, saying things like, “someone needs to fix the country!” or “someone needs to end world hunger!” "someone needs to fix this or that!” But seriously. Think about this. Everyone is a somebody. You, no matter how young you are, can change our world for the better. 

In this post I will be writing about three issues that our generation faces, that have really been on my mind and heart lately, as well as things we, as young adults, can do to prevent them. 


Depression, anxiety, harassment, rape, bullying. abuse and suicide are real things. I won't deny that these things are an everyday reality for some teens living in the twenty first century. I, personally have never experienced depression or suicidal thoughts. Probably the reason for this being I have been home schooled my whole life and have never had to deal with the issues kids in public school have to deal with. But I know people who are public schooled and about how they are affected, by these real, raw issues everyday. Specifically to this post, I'm talking about suicide. 

There is suicide prevention month, hot lines, commercials and billboards. But what are people actually doing to prevent suicide in teenagers?

Adults say they want to prevent suicide in teens. They say they want to help, but then they go produce things like '13 Reasons Why'. I've never seen this show, nor do I have a desire to, but from all the things the news is saying about the recently released Netflix TV series, 13 Reasons Why, its pretty much a dramatic step-by-step guide on how to commit suicide with a whole bunch of other questionable stuff thrown in. I've even read that there have been several young people reported (like 14 and 15 year old's), who have committed suicide after watching 13 Reasons Why. I just don't understand people who say they want to prevent these awful things, but they turn around and produce trash for their teens, that is causing them serious harm. This isn't really something I would expect from people like Selena Gomez who is suppose to be kid friendly, and “a good role model for kids.”

Instead of producing shows that depict graphic suicide scenes, death, depression, anxiety, drugs and unhealthy relationships, why don't they produce shows that show teens their full potential? Why can there be people out there who show teens that they can rise above depression and live, not completely problem free, but happily, and confident in themselves and who they are. These teens just want to feel needed and wanted by their peers and its sad when supposed “friends” can make other kids feel so unwanted, ugly, socially outcast etc. that they would go kill themselves. 13 Reasons Why just makes some teens everyday reality into a dramatized temptation of death and how its “better” than staying alive and having to deal with trash at school and at home. This show is an encouragement to try suicide, not something that draws kids away from suicide. 

If adults won't fix this, we should. That probably doesn't mean we are going to go make our own TV show, but there are little things we can do for our friends who might be suffering from depression or suicidal thoughts. For starters, just let them know you care. We never know what a peer might have going on in their lives. They may have situations at home or emotions that we don't even know about. We might not know their problems causing their depression, but we can make them feel loved just the same. Text them and ask them if they want to get together with you and your friends, let them know you are there for them if they ever need to talk. Tell them you love them and want the best for them. If adults as well as teens just showed people love, we could really lower the suicide numbers in America. 


Yeah I know, here comes another pro-life speech. And with it comes a whole bunch of negative comments from people I don't even know. But I don't care, about how many negative comments people leave on this post. Someone needs to speak up about it. 

I recently read in a new article about a mother in Arizona who pushed her 17 month old daughter in a stroller, into the dessert on the largest American Indian reservation in the nation, and left her to die in the heat. She eventually was sentenced to prison for 20 years for the murder of her child. The prosecutor of her case was quoted, “The child was no doubt afraid and in physical distress, needing the one person who is supposed to care for her the most, that being the mother. 20 years is simply not enough.” The U.S District Judge, David Campbell said that the mother had committed an “intentional, cold-hearted, horrendous killing of an innocent child.” 

This made me sooo mad. Not only about this mother just leaving her child to die, but also about what the judge and prosecutor said. They called this act of heartlessness by a mother, words like “horrendous”, “cold-hearted”, “intentional” and “murder”, which is true, but what I don't get is the hypocrisy in this statement. This baby girl was 17 months old. Her mother left her in a dessert to die. People call it horrible, cruel, and say that a 20 year sentence isn't enough, but they turn around and fight for abortion. What is the difference between this case and that of a seven-teen year old girl who goes into a clinic to have her baby murdered for free after having irresponsible sex with her boyfriend? I don't get this at all. That 17 month old baby's heart was beating. So was that girl's baby who was murdered by abortion. These children don't deserve to die, and these adults who defend women's rights to have abortions don't deserve to get away with this double standard. Is this justice? Is this really what our country is coming to? 

As common as abortion is in our world, there are still things we can do about it that can make a big difference. As I write this, it brings to mind, Faith's post about being pro-life. It was such a touching story about how her family decided to take in a baby who's mother was going to have an abortion. Faith and her family did something about this. It would be nice if there was more people out there who cared enough to the point that they would take other peoples kids into their own homes to save them from a "horrendous, cold-hearted, intentional" murder. But don't you see? We can be those people to. Even if you're just a kid and can't take in a baby, you could go to an pro-life rally in your town, do the 40 Days of Prayer, or get involved at your local pregnancy care center, and most importantly you can pray for the thousands of women who have abortions every day, that they would realize the truth about abortion. Also, for those of us as bloggers, we have a platform. We have an audience that reads what we put out there. What better way to get the word out that to speak up about these issues?

YA Fiction// 

The whole “Rebellion Against YA” thing has been going on in the blog-spheare for a long time. I've loved reading all your rants about Young Adult fiction. Its amazing and soooo exciting  to see my blogger friends doing something about the young adult fiction adults are giving teens to read these days. Its also really sad that us teenagers have to fix this problem ourselves. It just shows us that adults really have low expectations of us. The things that are included in YA fiction now days are issues like rebellion against parents, drugs, irresponsibility, sneaking out, and underage drinking. Adult authors think they are getting down on our level, and that these issues are things that connect with teenagers, but seriously? We can handle so much more. We can handle topics like war and peace, love and hate, pain and joy. Those big topics from the history of our world that would influence us for the better if only they were given to us. These topics might be a little rough, but will impact our lives for good in the end, and possibly change the way we view the world and the people around us. 

So many teens are doing so much about this. I recently finished Camp Nano July, and it was so encouraging to see everyone in my cabin striving for the common goal of producing clean YA for fellow youths. Its just so cool and gets me all hyped up and super excited about my own novel that I am working on as well as everyone else's. I think we are all doing something life changing for the next generation. So, never give up. Keep writing and editing and sending in your manuscripts to publishers because we are making history with our words. 
If you didn't get anything out of this post, please get this. We are all difference makers. No matter if you are 10 or 25 or 75, we can all do something to make our world a better place. What will you do? 

What are some of the issues that you would like to change about our world?

How can you change them for the better? 


Friday, July 14, 2017

for granny su

Yesterday, I had to say goodbye to someone very special to me, perhaps for a very long time. It hurt. It still does. I cried myself to sleep last night, and tried to keep the memory clear in my mind of her house, and that last time I drove away from it. The last hug we gave each other, before I walked out the door, I had walked through so many times over the past year. You see, we hadn't known each other very long, but we bonded, you know?

Something in each of us found the other, and we knew we were meant to be friends. Through our friendship, I learned that the word 'friend' can come through people of all different ages. You don't have to be the same age to be kindred spirits. In fact, she was a lot older than me. Old enough to be my grandmother, but we were so close, and our friendship was the kind that is rare and precious. I remember the day when I asked her to be my adopted grandmother. She looked surprised. She teared up and said she would be honored. She told me she never could have children of her own, and she would love to have me call her granny. I felt so special that day.

Granny Su was the one who gave me confidence in so much, and told me I could do or be anything if I really wanted it. She told me that happiness is a journey, not a destination. And the thing was, I believed her.  Isn't it special to have those people in your life, that if they say something, you know they genuinely mean it? Its hard to leave a person like that. It hurts a lot.

As I am preparing to leave for college, fly from home and say goodbye to these special people like her that I won't be able to see for several years, I am starting to realize that growing up is hard. It brings change, fear, unknown people and places, it brings goodbyes. It brings a little bit of the grim world out to light, and we start to understand about how much the world is really hurting. But in the mist of this is our individual lives. Our own race, our own journey and our own story. I guess I'm just at a chapter right now that brings tears and pain, but I know that the sun will rise again tomorrow, and everything will be alright soon.


Monday, July 3, 2017

we're all still learning. || a poem


don't accept something as truth
just because its coming from someone you respect.
we are all still growing.
we are all still just learning to breathe,
to care,
to see,
to forgive,
to live,
to love.
we are all still learning about what it means to be human.
and each of us have to discover what that means to us,
in our own time.

c.r ryder

emotions on something spiritual 

Sunday, June 25, 2017

BUCKET LIST FOR SUMMER ft. college stuff + last summer of 'teenhood' + is that even a word???? + things I learned my senior year

I have heard the expression "opening a new chapter of your life" so many times, but last month, it truly became a reality for me. It was terrifying and wonderful all at the same time. As I turned my tassel over I realized, I am done with high school, and this fall I will be venturing out into things I have never experienced. I'm leaving the familiar behind, and I'M TERRIFIED. I've never been away from my family for more than a week, and when I'm at college, I'll be away for 3 months or more without seeing them. I am scared out of my skin, but the excitement is pushing me forward. 

I have learned so much my senior year, since the earlier version of this post at the beginning of the school year sooo I'm just gonna do it over. heh heh

-Your parents love you. They have helped you come this far, and they deserve all the 'thank you's' we can give them forever and forever. Parents are pretty amazing. 

-Life isn't always easy, but it isn't all bad either. Enjoy the good times. Love others. Be happy. And live in the moment.

-Make it a point to keep up with your friends. Get together for coffee or send them a sweet note in the mail to let them know you think about them. Relationships are important, and sometimes they are hard to maintain, but its so worth it! 

-Don't let people make fun of your innocence. I have gotten teased several times in the past year about being innocent about certain things, especially by my co-workers at work. But, I guess that I've realized through that,  that being innocent is a good thing, even though you might feel stupid about not knowing one thing or the other about the world, keep that innocence as long as you can, because those people who tease, they are probably the ones who wish they had that innocence back.

-Spend time with your family as much as you can. For me, its sort of my last year in my parents house, and I know that it will be different very very soon. The summer is gonna speed by, and I just want to enjoy the last summer of being a crazy/random/weird teenager that I am, with them! 

Summer is one of my favorite seasons, and is definitely tied with fall cuz ya know, coffee, leaves, sweaters = perfection. How can you beat dat?? But with summer you don't have school, which is a MAJOR THING. Every summer I always make a bucket list, but this one is kind of special since its my last summer of being at home/ last summer of 'teenhood'. Is that even a word????? *shrugs* 
  • Go tent camping with da squad.
  • Make a funny lip syncing video.
  • Pull an all-nighter.
  • Sing songs around a bonfire with my frens.
  • Witness total solar eclipse on August 21st, 2017.
  • Attend a concert.
  • Fill a truck bed with blankets and pillows then go stargazing.
  • Make a memory jar.
  • Go kayaking again.
  • Get ice-cream from an ice-cream truck.
  • Participate in a fun run.
  • Get good at french braiding.
  • Go get frozen yogurt really late at night.
  • Go see Dunkurk with my dad.
  • Finish two songs on the piano.
  • Leave a note in a library book.
  • Dance in the rain.
  • Go swimming in a lake.
  • Watch the Parent Trap.
What are y'all's summer plans?? I know what I'll be doing all of next month, CUZ NANO STARTS IN LEGIT 5 DAYS! Time to go back to being a wreck of a hermit who hides in their room writing all day, but ya know what? I am excited. I am also nervous and scared, but whatever. Nano is gonna be awesome. 

Peace & love,


Monday, June 19, 2017

love is hard

i don't understand human cruelty.
i don't understand how people can hate each other, enough to kill.
i don't underestimate the power that humans have to be inhuman and merciless, because we see it everyday, and it terrifies me.
the world has truly gone insane.

for people to hate is such an easy, idle thing.
but to love, requires strength.
it takes courage, it takes faith and it
takes compassion to love.
and its hard.

c.r ryder

for those involved in the london attacks, the president of the usa + his family,
and all the law enforcement officers everywhere who protect us and our freedoms
you are the true heroes who understand what it means to love our enemies 

Thursday, June 15, 2017

I'm Seventeen!! feat. Photo Dump + 2017 Bible Conference + UNICORNS ACTUALLY EXIST.

I'm seventeen.

I thought this day would never come. As a little kid, the age 17 and being an actual graduate, seemed  forever away and so 'old', but right now I still feel so young. I'm still super young. Its so funny how your perspectives change from age to age. XD

I really liked being 16. It was a pretty amazing year. So much happened and I grew so much. I got my drivers license, I drove alone for the first time, I got my first 'official' job, I traveled to NYC and sang in Carnagie Hall, I graduated, I'm legit going to college! *flails* Its all happening so fast. God has blessed me soooooo much this year! I've got plans. I've got goals, and I am so ready to get started on achieving them. I want to make a difference in the world, and I never want to let that feeling die within me. I'm honestly terrified of the future, but my excitement outweighs that fear. I am ready.

But today I turned 17. I'm spending the day with my dad, and pastors family. We are out of town at an annual leadership conference in the big state of California where I will be attending Bible college, and its literally been the best. I've got to meet a lot of really amazing, genuine people, (I got to meet Ron Hamilton, who plays Patch The Pirate EPPPP SOOO COOL, cuz I literally grew up on his audio drama's) listen to some awesome preaching, take my dad to eat at his first In and Out burger, FaceTime with my bestie, meet my first official "college friend", and stay up till 1am at Marie Callenders eating pie. XD

Its been such a blast to hang out with friends, and have one-on-one time with my dad, but its also been nice to leave this conference spiritually refreshed and ready to go back to reality, feeling challenged and encouraged.

Okay, so I have some really awesome news. UNICORNS ACTUALLY EXIST. No joke, dude. Go grab your Bible, and look these verses up for yo-self. There are 9 verses that mention unicorns in the Bible, and I thought that was pretty cool, cuz you always hear about unicorns, and I personally thought they were ridiculous, but it was interesting to learn they where/are real. But SHHHHHH don't tell Starbucks. XD
  • Job 39:9  Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee, or abide by thy crib?
  • Numbers 24:8 God brought him forth out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of an unicorn: he shall eat up the nations his enemies, and shall break their bones, and pierce them through with his arrows
Whatcha all been up to?
Any fun summer things going on? Camps? ect.
Are ya all getting excited about NaNo?  

Sunday, June 11, 2017



sometimes i just watch people.
and sometimes i listen to what they don't say.
those words are held deep within their eyes,
screaming to be spoken.
in their eyes, i see pain
i see broken-ness
i see the hard, cold display of hate and bitterness.
i see the power of love, i see determination.
i see quiet hope.
and once in a great while, i will see those young,
bright and beautiful eyes, that seem to say,
"i am here to make a difference. i am here to change the world."
and i tell myself, "i want to be like that."


Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Uniquely Me. + why I stopped caring about my personality type. + GIVEAWAY WINNER!!

According to the Myers Briggs Personality Test, I came out as an ESTP.....or an ENFJ. Whatever. I got different ones every time I tried the quiz. xD At first I thought this thing was really fun. It was neat to read about the personality the site generated for me, and how it matched up (or didn't) with who I really am. But I started to take this personality stuff a little too far. I started reading the 'your relationship section' and the 'what kind of parent will you be' category. and I realized that this thing was pretty much telling my fortune. This site, had my whole life planned out for me. And I didn't like that. I started to see that this test is literally stereotyping people.

Admit it, we all have weird quirks about us. Maybe we push our tooth paste tube from the middle and not the end, or maybe, we like our coco puffs with orange juice instead of milk (i actually know a guy who eats his cereal this way. seriously.), or maybe you always have to have your television volume set to an even number, or drive on the opposite side of the road. Okay, thats a little bit drastic, but do you see my point? This personality stuff, leaves no room for Gods great creativity that shines within each of us. We are all gonna be different no matter the 'category' we are placed in. Not all ENFJ's are gonna end up being a marriage and family therapist or mechanic, like the site says, and not all ISTJ's are gonna marry an ESTP. Maybe that INTP will marry an INTP, and everything would work out fine! Each and every person that God created is gonna be different, and I think we need to embrace that. Out of the 7.347 billion people in the world, not one of us is the same.

The truth is, I don't care weather I am an ESTP an ENFJ, ISTJ, ISTP or ESFJ. I really don't. When I read the descriptions of all these personalities, I identify with something different in each. I don't think I can fit into just one category. Sooooooooooo, I guess that would make me a abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz personality. XD

I am uniquely me.

And you are uniquely you. You are special, and God made you because He loves you, individually. Not by your category.

Now, I am not trying to bash the Myers Briggs Personality test, cause I think its fun, to read all those personality types, and pick out certain characteristics that apply to me, and I'm not saying that you shouldn't take the test, because it is fun! But if you do, just remember that that test, and those four capital letters don't define who you are. Personally, just seeing all this hype all over the internet about personalities made me think about it more deeply, and how people are effected by this test. I am different and so are you. And you know what? Its okay to be different, and break the mold of those tests. We are special and divergent, and no one else in the whole. wide. world is like us.

I am me. Unique. Special. ME. And I am okay with that.

For you formed my inward parts, you covered me in my mothers womb. I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are thy works, and that my soul knows very well. 
-Psalm 139:13-14-

So, today is the 8th of June, and its time to announce THE GIVEAWAY WINNER who is.... *drum roll* Madelyn Brown! Madelyn, I have e-mailed you with instructions. Congrats! Thank you to all who entered! Every one of you really mean a lot to me! <3

Monday, June 5, 2017

You Know Your A Writer When... feat. whats in my mouth challenge w/ taryn + the unofficial 'single taters' are back + i choked on the mayo

  • You know your a writer when, you have set all the dramatic scenes to music in your imagination.
  • You know your a writer when you are willing to read through five pages of Wikipedia to insure that one sentence in your dialogue is correct. For me this usually has to do with historical fiction.....'the grueling genre'.
  • You know your a writer when you have mastered the art of singing the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack, while writing a scene at the same time.

  • You know your a writer when you spend sleepless nights trying to find the perfect name for a character.
  • You know your a writer when your family complains that they haven't seen you forever, cause you've been hiding away all month during NaNo, in your room, writing. 
  • You know your a writer when you get attached to a character that you have created but you've already plotted their death. 

  • You know your a writer when you get the best ideas for a story in the shower and there is no way to write them down. And when you get out of the shower, you forget.
  • You know your a writer when you delete paragraphs after paragraphs of your first draft, then cry over the fact that you lost so many words for Camp.
  • You know your a writer when starring into space doesn't mean your not working.
  • You know your a writer when Nano is more exciting than your birthday.

  • You know your a writer when you feel terrified but hopeful when you ask for feedback on your work.
  • You know your a writer when you have an opinion on the Oxford Comma.
  • You know your a writer when you use the right punctuation, even in text messages.

The un official Single Taters are back! Taryn and I, have a video for you today! We did the 'What's In My Mouth Challenge', which turned out to be pretty hilarious, so go check it out! #thesingletaters
Also, I will announce the giveaway winners on the 8th, so watch out for that post, as well.


Thursday, June 1, 2017

ENTER MY GIVEAWAY ft. awesome stuff + sour patch kids + jane austen + YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING

Hey blogger peeps,

THIS POST IS FOR YOU! Thank you all so much for supporting me through my blogging journey, leaving encouraging comments, and most importantly - for showing interest in my content! You guys are the best in the whole world and I appreciate YOU! So, to show you all that I love you guys, I am hosting a giveaway here on the blog! I have a cute Barnes and Nobles book tote, 4 Jane Austen classics (book includes Sense and Sensibility, Pride and Prejudice, Emma and Persuasion) and a bag of Sour Patch Kids, up for grabs, so go ahead and enter that give away! The giveaway starts today at 12am Eastern time, and closes on June 8th at 12am Eastern Time. 


Saturday, May 27, 2017

#May2017 ft. A year ago I was in NYC + graduation + 100 followers! + ironing my clothes with a hair straightener

Awesome Stuff

  • I can't believe that exactly a year ago, I was in NYC singing in Carnagie Hall! See photos from my trip here and here. Good times, good times. 
  • Bringing my math grade up *whispers* right at the end of the year! Sooooo happy guys! 
  •  I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL! *SCREAMS* #homeschoolersrock
  • Getting fully recovered from NaNo and starting to work on my novel again! Its such an awesome feeling! 
  • I REACHED MY GOAL OF 100 FOLLOWERS! YOU GUYS ARE GREAT! Thank you all for reading my blog, and supporting me! A giveaway coming soon, so keep your eyes peeled! Also, I would just like to thank my 100th follower, Anika! Go check her out! She has a great blog and even sells children's books on Amazon! 
  • Preformed in a graduation recital with two other graduates, and had a blast! 

  • Going to all my friends grad parties. So proud of y'all!
  • My room re-do! Check it out here!
  • Getting excited about being a college girl in the fall, making a school supplies list, going clothes shopping and creating a summer bucket list! 
  • Orange creamsicles. Best creation since toasted bread. 

Not-so-awesome Stuff
  • I was washed my bedding, and was taking it out of the washer and putting it in the dryer when I realized that I forgot to put soap in before they got washed. *face palm* *puts bedding back in the washer with soap* *thinks about all that wasted water* 
  • When I realize that this is soooo me: 

  • That last bit of school you have to get done before summer break, and you just wanna burn up all your books and be finished. 
  • Trying to get out of the car when the 90 mile an hour wind is blowing the door shut. 
Awkward/Weird Stuff
  • Being in a hurry to get out the door, and straightening the hem of my jean skirt (that won't lay flat) with my hair straightener. Some times I worry about my mental health.
  • Julia convinced me to get this stupid mug while I was out shopping.... XD 

  • Pulling up to the coffee shop window in my truck and pushing on the super sensitive brakes *jerks to a stop* then realizing I'm not close enough and letting off the brake, *jerks forward* and repeating the whole process, while the barista just looks at me like "get it together, girl..."
  • When people give you complements and you don't know what to say. 
  • I found these authentic wooden shoes from Holland at a thrift store. I was shocked at the fact that people actually wear wooden shoes. (like omw that would hurt soooo bad) The shoes had an actual shoe size in them, so they were obviously boughten to be worn. Owwwww. Julia: "AND THEY DANCED IN THOSE DUDE"

  • When you try high-fiving someone and they don't notice. 
  • When the radio and a/c my truck is broken, and the only station that works is one that plays classical music. So I'm at a stop light with the windows rolled down (cause there is no a/c) with my classical music playing. *glares from people in cars* I just have to be that girl, don't I? XD But its kind of fun being odd sometimes. lol
  • When a kid is honest about your appearance: Other people: "Awww your so adorable!" Little kid: "You look terrible." 
  • Idk if anyone else does this, but when I'm about to order food or coffee or whatever, I rehearse what I'm going to say in my head, and when I get up there, I get super nervous and I don't say what I was originally going to say. Instead I usually say something stupid....or its totally obvious that I'm nervous, and its awkward all around for everyone. 
  • Realizing I say like 3/4 of these words.... 
April Faves

Julia spoke da truth
Audrey wrote a great post on why every writer should be a beta reader
Mary's characters in this short story are the best!
Micaiah's post about her mom was sooo sweet!
Sarah talked about enjoying the journey
Jonathan made me laugh because all these things are sooo relatable
Randy's poem gave me the feeeelllllzzz
Anika gathered a lovely list of books you should add to your summer TBR

Writing Stuff

Heres another snippet from my novel, Negative Time:

Roman Schneider April 1944

Sometimes the smallest coffins are the heaviest.

That is what my mother told me after my sister went to heaven. She was only a few days old. I remember the very first time I saw her. She came out all bloody, and wiggly. She was smaller than my 9 year old brain imagined her to be, but looking back on it, she was small even for an adults imagination. My grandfather told me, she had been born too early, and I remember my father placing a small wooden coffin in a shallow grave next to the river, on that cold November morning. My mother was so weak after the birth, and died not long after my sister did, and my father, not long after her. In all rash honesty, he killed himself. Suicide. The very next day after her death. My aunt said he couldn't take it anymore. Too much pain. The image that would haunt me forever was coming home from school, to find my papa. He had hung himself in the doorway. One of his shoes had fell to the floor. His eyes where open, his body swayed in midair. I was told myself that day that he never really did love me. He wouldn't have done that if he loved me. I'm starting to believe no body in the whole wide world loves me at all. They all left me. My papa, mama and sister left me, and now aunt and uncle have deserted me at this horrid school. My mother had always told me that no matter what people around me did, God always would love me, but I am starting to question that, or if its true at all. We went to church my whole childhood, but after she died, I don't go anymore. Maybe I should have, just for her. Its funny what we believe about ourselves and God. Regardless of the many times we hear about God loving us, it doesn't really sink in. Well, at least for me, it hasn't. 


*awkward laughing* Well, I don't really wanna talk about goals, cause I didn't finish any of them.... I have been so swamped with graduation and my grad piano recital that I really didn't get time to do all that I wanted to accomplish. BUT, I did read more this month despite all the business of graduation! And I've started making a list of books for summer (since I have nothing else to do), so if you guys have any recommendations, just drop them down in the comments! Ohh, and btw, go read my review of The Outsiders if you want. Its my new fav book...and it will CHANGE YO LIFE. Its the most amazing book I've read it a long, long time. 

Goals For June
  • Get together with friends I haven't seen in a while.
  • Go walking more.
  • Bake a really weird fancy french desert.
  • Make homemade ice-cream with my siblings. 

Pretty much this month was awesome, (I'm soooooo glad to be DONE with school) and I'm looking forward to June! Summer + no school = awesome. Rock on!


Wednesday, May 24, 2017

we had the hearts of dreamers || a poem

we had the hearts of dreamers
but we let the clouds eclipse our light.
we thought we could create galaxies
with the stars in our eyes.
but we were wrong.

we were the broken ones,
we were the ones that were hurting.
we were the ones who put on faces of happiness
when we were heartbroken on the inside.

but life has never been without hope.
we are still alive, and
can still be made beautiful.


for mara & for all of those who have ever felt broken

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

ROOM TOUR || ft. inexpensive room decor + vintage kitchen cart record player stand + pallet bed + diy + TWO MORE FOLLOWER GUYS!

Sooooo yesterday, I decided to clean my room. But I went a little further than that.

I was getting sick of my room looking so messy, and drab (you probably saw some of it in the video included in this post) Ewwww right?! So I decided to add a few changes to my room, and to refresh it a bit for the summer.

In our basement we have a ton of different vintage furniture, dressers, desks, chairs. My mom loves to chalk paint and she collects things from thrift stores and such, so I always have something new to put in my room when I'm ready for a change. She had the vintage kitchen cart you see my record player sitting on in the second photo in our garage, so I just hauled it down to my room, and BOOM, it looks sooooo cute! My desk, is also a different one than what I had before, and was hand made by my moms uncle. The large chest/trunk you see in the fifth photo is my hope chest. I love it so much, because my amazing daddy made it for me about a year ago. Its beautiful and something that will definitely be passed down through my family. Annnnnddd for the pallet bed. My pal over here, made herself one, and I was like "OMW I NEED ONE OF THESE!". End of story.

For my bedroom refresh I didn't want to spend a small fortune on decor, so I went for a simple, diy style that was going to turn out cute, and affordable. I think it worked out great. 

  • Cork Board Wall (photo #1) I picked up a package of four cork squares at Michaels Craft Store for 8 bucks and with some added photos and postcards, I think they add a nice addition to my wall! 
  • DIY Vintage Window Frame Photo Hanger (photo #2) I found an old window frame out in our garden shed, scrubbed it down and attached some twine to the back, where I hung some of my favorite photos. I love the chipped paint look on the frame. 
  • White Canvas Wall Art (photo #3) I picked up a package of canvas's awhile back for around 10 dollars. I needed to add something on that wall, (so my Collabro calendar wouldn't feel lonely. XD) so I just tied some twine around them to make them look like paper wrapped packages, and stuck some fresh carnation's in with the twine. I'll probably end up doing some actual wall art (with paint) later on, but these are fine for now.
  • Typewriter (photo # 4) Evey one is always asking about my typewriter when I have friends over. I got it a little over a year ago at Goodwill for $9! It came with a handy little case and a paper holder! I love the color and the typewriter itself is in great shape. 
  • Record Player (photo #2) My parents got me an old vintage Tele-tone record player for Christmas. They picked it up at a thrift store for 10 bucks! 
 So, how do you like my room? I'm pretty happy with it, and it looks so much better than what it did before!

Ever made a pallet bed?
Favorite part of my room?
What color is your room?
OHHHHHHHHH AND GUYS! LISTEN UP! *snaps fingers* I'm at 98 followers right now! *throws confetti* Lets see if we can push to get to 100! It would mean so much to me, and I might even host a give away, when I reach the 100 mark! *raises eyebrows* Go follow!